Not Sight But Faith


Over the course of a few weeks, I've been contemplating on what I'm exactly doing with my life. I'm 27 years old, obtained two degrees, and still living at home with my moms. Oh, and kinda sorta broke. Let's also not forget working at a job I KNOW is not good for my mental illness.

After many conversations with God, we've decided that my degrees and my illness won't be in vain. It will be used for good. He has plans for me that are far bigger than what I could imagine. And I know this because He told me so. But in the meantime, I still need a regular, degular job in Charlotte. However, I have mental illnesses and I had decided that I was going to put those first and not work at jobs that comprised my wellbeing. Even if it's not going to be what I'll be doing for the rest of my life, at least I can have peace. 

I had decided what type of job I wanted and was going to focus on finding. But I wasn't planning to do that until after a few months of returning to my old job. See, I'm planning on moving and in order to do that, I need money. I also need a job so it looks good when I'm applying for places. So I was going to tough it out until I moved and maybe leave in January. But I knew what I was looking for and wouldn't shut up about it. 

As I was browsing the job market for the type of position I was looking for (just see how easy/hard it would be to land a job in that area), a position popped up in an area I'm considering moving to. I also qualify for it in every way. Well, I'll be damned. Let me find out God be listening to me. 

I kept the requirements in mind and said I'll apply after I move... in December. Then I thought about it, why not now? 

So I hopped on my computer, jazzed up my resume and applied. I also prayed to God about the position because it just seem like He heard me. Why in the world am I waiting to apply for a position that may not even be available anymore when I move? Soleil, are you dumb? (*Remy Ma voice*) I had to remind myself that I am kind, I am smart, and I am important. Emphasis on smart.

Yet my hesitation was based on the fact that I JUST went back to my old job full time. Signed up for benefits. Told my manager I'll be there for quite a while (since no jobs were coming my way anyway). In a sense, I felt obligated to stay there though I didn't owe them any type of loyalty. However, we have free will. I'm also all the way grown and don't have to do anything I don't want to do. But I like to be a woman of my word. I also like to be happy. But I also like pleasing people, a terrible character flaw that I'm trying to work on as I get older. 

With the way things were going at my job, it wasn't going to be long before I quit anyway. I actually started planning it and what day I was going to do it. It definitely wasn't going to be before I move. Plus, I like to think God brought this open position to me for a reason. I felt like there was no harm in applying. If I don't get the position, I just don't get the position. I still was going to do what I needed to do and trust God in the process. I was still going to look for jobs in that area and apply if I can, even if I don't have the required experience. I mean, if Trump did it and got a position he wasn't qualified for, then why can't I? (Yes, I know it's because I'm not a rich white man.)

Oh, and as of this post, I quit my job. I'm going with faith.

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