It's Friday and I already want to go home. Why? Because it's Friday.
Before noon, I get a call from a distraught patient. To make a long story short, she was freaking out about nothing. But yet, here she was doing the most on a Friday morning. I just wanted her to make this appointment and get off my negro phone. Instead, it took fifteen minutes and my "I'm talking to you like a child because you're behaving like one" voice to get her off my phone. In those fifteen minutes, I was told (by the patient) I was not sympathetic or reassuring. My blood began to boil. It took everything I had to not go off on her. She wanted me to tell her she had something that I ethically and medically cannot and will not say.
After I got off those phone with her, my mood was shot for the day. And in that moment, I decided I was done. You would think that the woman who fixed her mouth to say that if she gets cancer, it would be my fault would've sent me over. Almost...but not quite. Or the time this patient really insisted she had cancer though she was in the clear and I politely referred her back to her doctor if she had any questions because ethics. Or the countless times where patients were flat out rude, entitled, obnoxious, and all the above. All over a damn appointment. But it was this particular woman that broke me.
So I told God and everyone around me that I was done.
September 12, 2016:
I had my very panic attack the entire hour of my what was supposed to be my morning nap. I didn't know what was happening. I couldn't breathe. I got nauseous. My body couldn't stop shaking. Five minutes before I had to clock in, I was in tears and didn't understand why. My mom told me to come home but I wasn't about to waste my gas. I'm already there. Let me just clock in and get this money.
I did a quick google search to confirm what I already know as a trained counselor. But I've never experienced a panic attack a day in my life. I took it as a one time occurrence until it happened the next day and the day after that at the same time. It could only mean one thing: it's time to go.
I set the intention and decided that while I was on vacay a job was going to turn up or I was going to quit. Either way, I was no longer going to be working there. Between my actual job function and various issues within my department, I was not trying to come back.
A month before I told God to step his game up, I started cleaning out my desk. But it wasn't until I removed the last few items off my desks that the gates of heaven opened up. I guess God was waiting for me to step my faith up. That same day I took the last of my stuff home, I got a call from a company that I was also trying to get into for quite sometime. But after applying several times and two failed interviews, I still tried one more time. I thought to myself if I don't get it the third time around, I'm washing my hands and going back to the drawing board. But also thought: third time's a charm so there's that as well.
Same week of my panic attacks and the final clearing of my desk, not only did I receive an interview but a job offer within 24 hours. Another plus? I was on vacation like I had planned. It also helped that I said a ritual prayer affirmation every morning and every night that week bringing me a sense of peace.
On September 1st, I "asked" for a new job and September 30th was my last day. Good looking out God. I owe you one.