Just A Little Prayer

September 1st, 2016:

I was sitting in my car bright and early at work with an hour to spare. Traffic is a nightmare if I leave later than 6:30am. And with school conveniently back in session, I was starting to feel like I need to leave earlier. But that would require me to wake up earlier than I already do for a job that I now strongly dislike.

Before I take my morning nap, I decided to have a "chat" with God because well, I was fed up. I was unhappy with my job and it was brewing over the past several months. I wanted to quit a while ago. Even went on interview for a company that I had been wanting to work for for years. But instead of seeing that job through to the second interview, I declined. My manager went out of the way for me to get the job I have. I didn't want to come off as ungrateful. I'd rather be unhappy than ungrateful.

But my unhappiness started coming to the forefront. I felt myself getting mean. Felt myself becoming short with patients because I had no patience. Felt myself becoming stoic and detached. I just came to work, did what I had to do, and counted down til 5. 

So I told God as I drifted off to sleep for the next 60 minutes: "I need to either move up or move out. Preferably move out." And that was the end of my prayer. 

Right after, I began looking for jobs left and right. Applied to places that gave no response. The ones that did told me straight up I was not a good fit for their company. Not even granting me interview. Disgusted as I was when I got those emails, perhaps I wasn't. 

I got discouraged and started reasoning with myself. Tried to convince myself to stay where I'm at. Try to make a year. If I go elsewhere, I'm going to have to rebuild vacay time and I'm planning to go out the country next year. Yeah, maybe not. I tried to convince myself if I just try to stay as desensitized as possible, I can do this. Not quite sure how I was planning to do that considering one of my mental illnesses is based on hypersensitivity. That and I hadn't been to my doctor in a while to re-up on additional drugs. "Shit, if I don't find something, might as well stay here," I thought. Even contemplated taking a leap of faith and just putting in my two weeks and hope for the best. But the way my faith was set up...

To be continued.

Comments

  1. I read your blog often & I just wanted to wish you good luck on whatever decision you make about your job. I too am contemplating just putting in a 2 weeks and hoping for the best. I hope something will work out for the both of us.

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  2. thank you so much reading! Keep looking out to see what happened next ;-)

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  3. I understand how you feel. Looking for jobs is stressful along with staying at a job you do not love. I just want to encourage you to hold on and continue to ask god to guide you. Really ask god for what you want. Speak it into existence. It will happen!

    I love your blog! Let's stay connected!

    xoSE
    http://www.sashaelizabeth.com/2016/10/six-ways-to-style-jumpsuit.html

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words! That's exactly what I did and things worked out for the better. :-)

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  4. Hi! I have just read your blog and I too was in a job that I no longer liked. I'm not sure what your line of work you work in or you would like to do but have you considered starting your own business? In the meantime I will wait for your next blog while keeping you in prayer.

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    Replies
    1. Well the update has already been published of what happened after that day ;-) as for my own business, I have a few loose ends I need to tie up before I move forward with that. :)

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