Soleil Says: My FWB Won't Move Out!

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Hi Soleil!

I have a bit of a situation. My FWB occasionally stays with me after we do our business being that he works not too far from where I live. It's usually no more than twice a week and he eventually goes back to his home. But him and his family got into it recently and basically kicked him out. Because I'm cool with his family, his mother just handed me his stuff and told me that he's moving in with me because he can't stay there anymore. She didn't even ask me!

So now he's here full time and it's going on about two months now. He contributes here and there but it's like I have to force him to do so. It's been nonstop arguing as well and it's turning me into a mean person in general. On top of that, he up and quit his job! I like him and all but I want him out! But I also don't want to cause conflict between me and his family. What should I do?
- Michelle J.

Hey Michelle! Thanks for your question. After reading it though... um what in the hell?! It's one thing to stay a couple of nights a week. But to flat out move in?! Yeah... no and I can see your frustrations.

The problem lies with the fact that you didn't say anything about it. I understand that all of it just seem to come out of nowhere and fall on you but you didn't necessarily stop it. Once his mother handed you his stuff, that should've been grounds for conversation. You probably didn't want to disrespect her by rejecting her son which is understandable. But this is YOUR PLACE. Therefore, it's up to you if you want him or anyone to move in with you for that matter. I hate to say this, but her just dumping him on you because of their issues is out of line.

Now, you have ol' dude in your place and from what I'm getting, he's barely contributing. First of all, WTF? You shouldn't have to force anyone to contribute. You (un)willingly gave him a place to live, hopefully temporarily. He SHOULD contribute. No questions asked. Then to top it off, he up and quit his job?! Did he say why? Does he have money saved up to at the very least help you with something? Because it's coming off as if he's living off of you. Wouldn't be surprised if that's part of reasons you two are arguing frequently.

You say you want him out but don't want to upset his family. Not to be rude, but what does that have to do with you? His family tossed him to you and now you're dealing with his bullshit. That sucks that they're having issues, it really does. But that negative energy is being transferred over to you and your home.

Because it seems like what's holding you back from kicking him out is your relationship with his family, I would suggest that you talk one on one with them. Tell them what's going on. Explain to them what you just told me. Just have an open dialogue and let them know that you like them but they need to take their son back or something along those lines. Respectfully explain to them that you felt pressured into this and it's causing you distress. You have a right to be upset. You have a right to have your place back.

As for your FWB, you need to have a talk with him too. Once again, respectfully. Since you really want him out, give him a deadline. And in the midst of the deadline, he needs to contribute otherwise, he'll be kicked out sooner. His name is not on the lease but your name is. I don't know how your apartment complex works but I know my complex doesn't allow people who are not on the lease to LIVE there. God forbid your property manager finds out. That will only make the situation worse.

Put your foot down and be straightforward with both his family and him. Whatever issues they have should not be affecting you in this manner. Once again, this is YOUR place that you're paying rent for. No one else.


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