I Don't Want Your Feel Good Sh*t

I don't like talking to people about my problems. To be quite honest, I don't like talking to people at all hence why I write. I can probably go without talking to people for the rest of my life but I know that's unrealistic.

I'm convinced that as a counselor (in my case, future counselor), you're going to need a counselor. Taking on people's problems all day even though you're getting paid for it can be a bit much. Then to come home and deal with another set of issues that aren't even your own. Speaking of your own problems, you can barely focus on your own shit because of all that's happening around you. Once more I ask, who counsels the counselor?

But I know why I don't talk to people about my problems. Besides the fact that I am very private to the point of paranoia, I find that most people in my life can't help me. When I lay out my problems I find that they don't know what to do or say. So instead, they say some positive upbeat mess. That's cute but....


Excuse the caps but that's how I feel every time I get hit with the "things will get better" or "think positive" responses. Yes, that's fine and dandy and I know they mean well. But sometimes I don't want that.
When I go to people with my issues I either just want to vent or I want advice. The positive reinforcement is nice and an added bonus. But you can save it if that's all you have to offer me. If I want some positivity, I can just follow one of those inspirational social media accounts.

Sometimes I just want to be mad. Let me feel damn it. Stop trying to contain my emotions with some sugary B.S. Stop trying pacify my feelings. Stop patronizing me and let me get this shit off my chest. Let me talk, let me live, and for goodness sake HELP me. Help me beyond what sounds nice. Help me beyond a scripture or two. Help me beyond saying "things will get better" because though true, I can't see that. I don't believe that.

And please don't hit me with the "Oh okay" or "Wow." Nothing irks me more than pouring my heart out only to receive one of those as a response. You're kidding me right? I tell you my whole life story and all I get is a "Wow?" Nah, son. I would much rather the positive reinforcements. I would much rather you tell me you don't know what to say or how to handle it. I would respect that. I would appreciate that. But if you're going to give a half ass response, then don't even bother.

I need people who listen. I need people who can give more than just five words. I need people who can really help or at least try to. I need people who will really take the time and not downplay my problems with kind words.

Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I know this is too much hence why I choose to internalize my problems. I take a chance and talk to those who feel comfortable talking to me about their problems only to be let down by their wow's, oh okay's, and things will get better's. Maybe this is why I only have like one friend really knows me and everyone else gets the surface, if they're lucky.

I know you mean well with your happy words and shit but sometimes, I just need more.

Blogger's note: Next post won't be until the first week of October.


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