A Thank You
For those who didn't know, this past May was Mental Health Awareness month. In honor of it, I shared extremely personal posts on my battle with mental health. As a future counselor, I'm passionate about mental health and wellbeing. We can all look fine on the outside while inside, we're slowly dying; fighting a battle that we just can't seem to win.
Well, I'm still fighting my battle and in due time, I will share exactly what that battle is. But until then, just know that what I posted in May goes far beyond those words. Everyday is a continuous struggle. But through God, prayer, and counseling the battle isn't as bad as it used to be. However, I am still a work in progress. There will be rain some days. Other days will be sunny. Then there be times when it's cloudy and nothing but shades of gray.
But this post isn't about my continuing mental struggles. This post is a thank you. A thank you to all who reached out to me during those dark times (& posts). Thank you for allowing me to express myself without judgment but with understanding. Thank you all for your emails, comments, tweets, and texts/phone calls making sure that I'm okay. Thank you for reaching out to me letting know that I am not alone in this fight; letting me know that I can lean on you even though I don't know some of you (personally speaking).
I was reluctant to post my struggles because this blog was intended to be a happy blog. It was supposed to be inspirational. But how can I be inspirational when offline, I'm anything but that. Many of my real life friends didn't know (all) these struggles. They too learned about it through this blog. My long time best friends didn't even know until after. I explained my fear of telling them and how easy it is to just write. How easy it is to tell strangers because at the end of the day, they don't really know me.
But it's these strangers that brought such love and support. It is these strangers that ensured me that I would be okay. It is these women, black women, that let me know it's okay to be hurt and that they hurt with me. As Blanche from a Street Car Named Desired said: "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers."
Through these posts, I was applauded for my honesty. I received praises for my raw transparency. I didn't intend for all that. I was just speaking my truth. From all of this, I learned that is my truth that makes me and this blog inspirational. I'm no saint. I sin just like everyone else. I'm not striving for perfection. I'm striving for mental, emotional, and spiritual healing.
I learned I can no longer go through this [mental] battle alone. I learned that it is okay to ask for help. Suffering in silence only silently kills me. After ten plus years of battling this, I'm finally speaking out. I'm no longer ashamed of my struggles because I am human. I shared such personal shit because I no longer want to be held hostage. And I thank you, all of you, for allowing to set myself free through this platform.
I do want to give a special thanks to Minnie, Jully, Jasmine, Erica, Roconia, Briana, Lissa Marie, and Brittany for reaching out beyond the blog and ensuring I was okay. I thank you because I have a relationship with you guys that I believe can and will be beyond Twitter. I appreciate all of your kinds words and prayers you sent my way.
But I especially want to thank Lala. I thank you for literally being there for me almost every single day. I thank you for listening and letting me vent to you about everything I was personally dealing with. I thank you for being me there for me at 2am when I was crying tears and wanted to commit suicide. It is because of you that I went to seek help. I thank you for encouraging me every step of the way.
To my longtime best friends who never read my blog because they didn't know I had one, I thank you for your understanding. Though I was years late of telling you my struggles, you didn't hold it against me. You knew me well enough to know why I kept it to myself.
Overall, I thank all of you for allowing me to speak my truth. I know it's taboo in the black community to even have these issues. But I am here to break down those myths. Mental health issues aren't just white people problems. Us colored folks suffer to. I hope my posts inspire all of you who are hurting to know that it is okay to hurt. It is okay not be [mentally] okay. If you are suffering like me, know that you are not alone. Know you are loved. Know that is okay to seek help.
This blog is a place for expressing truths and it is my hope you all do the same. Reach out to someone if you need help. My door is always open.
Remember, it's always darkest before dawn.