And I Wonder...

Here's a post I wrote on my old blog about a year or two ago under a different title. Enjoy.

"You ever wonder what it all really means? You ever wonder if you'll ever find your dreams?" - Kanye West, I Wonder

I've been told that I'm a dreamer many times in my life. There's nothing but truth to that. I spent my entire life dreaming. Dreaming of something much better than what my reality actually was.

I didn't grow up rich and I've discussed that in a post. I didn't grow up in the projects and have this hard hood life like these rappers allegedly had. But my life was no crystal stair either.

I grew up an only child in a single parent home along with my aunt & uncle. Because I had no siblings and the three of them were always at work, I had a lot of free time on my hands. I had friends but I was a loner for the most part (& still am). So to occupy the spare time and sometimes loneliness, all I did was dream.

My dreams were always scattered as you've read in my previous posts. But they all had a common theme: the desire for an extraordinary life.

There was a period of time where I wanted to work in corporate America. More specifically, I wanted to work banking because everyone in my house worked at a bank. I wanted to follow in their footsteps. Oh to be so young.

As I got older, my dreams shifted. I wanted to be an actress. Then a psychologist.  A social worker. A meteorologist,  which was actually my dream for the longest. Then I switched to being a CEO of some international company that allowed me to travel. I wanted to do something,  anything that was amazing. Anything that would've got me out of my hometown on Long Island.

There were times I was completely lost on what to do with my life. In those times,  I started dreaming. Then reality would hit and go back to my everyday life.
I didn't believe in any of my dreams which is why I am where I am now. I would look at people who are living their dreams and secretly wish that would happen to me. Why didn't I believe in those dreams? Were they not valid?

There was a point in time where I really wanted to do journalism and communications. I wanted to write columns like Carrie Bradshaw and live this fabulous life. She was the fictional character that I wanted to become. I also wanted to do radio and talk mess with other co-hosts giving listeners much needed entertainment on their way to work. I wanted my voice, my thoughts to be heard and get paid for it of course.
I don't know what happened and when and where I got lost. Why did I give up my radio dreams? Why didn't I follow my passion for writing? Why didn't I believe my dreams were valid and can be achieved?

I'm learning now that all that we are is a result of what we have thought. I am where I am because I did not believe that I could every last one of those things. Dreams are real if you believe they are real. But it's time for me to stop dreaming and start living.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

When You Don't Want What You Prayed For

True Confessions: I Hate Therapy

Let's Talk About God