Hello.


And I thought about you today.
It's been way over a year since we broke up though sometimes it feels like just yesterday. You were everything that I wanted or at least thought I wanted. Even though some time has passed, I can't lie and say you haven't crossed my mind once or twice. Maybe more but I won't admit that.

And I thought about the things you used to say.
I go back and forth some days. Why did you do this to me again? Don't you remember what you said to me? Don't you remember you told me I was the love of your life. Remember when you told me that you thank God for me and don't know what you would do without me? I wonder how that's working out for you.

And I thought about the things we did.
We used have so much fun when we were together. We had our ups and downs but the ups outweighed the downs. Well it did until I took off the rose colored glasses. I see it clearly now. There were more downs than I chose to realize. I chose to ignore the red flags. I ignored the signs. But we had so much fun when we were together until it stopped being fun anymore. At least for you. I was still enjoying the ride. But you forced me off and maybe, just maybe, that was for the best.

I always thought that we would be together.
You were always the one I wanted since we were kids. Who knew that would materialize years later and last all of 8 long years? In my mind, you were the perfect guy. In my mind, you were the only one for me. No matter how bad it looked, I always thought we would make it.

I always knew that we would be together.
And we did make it. Sometimes. I always felt that we were meant to be. I always believed that no matter what happened, we would find our way back to each other. Most times, we did. But perhaps we shouldn't have. Maybe we should've parted way forever a long time ago. Maybe this wouldn't hurt so bad if we would've stayed away from each other. If would've just left me the hell alone. Maybe.

But I don't wanna wait forever.
I don't like the waiting game. Patience is not a virtue I possessed. But I waited with you. I gave you space. I gave you time. I didn't change you or force you to do anything you didn't want to. I believed in time, you would figure it out. In time, you would see that we belonged together. In time, you would see I'm the only one who's really going to be there for you. In time, you would realize you need me. But that's the thing about time. It doesn't wait for anyone and some level, I knew that. Hence my speech to you during our last dinner together. I told you that this was it. I was no longer playing this game and going back and forth. We're grown. I lied and said I liked where we were. But I was truthful when I said I'm not going to wait forever. I didn't but you also didn't give me much of a choice.

What do I do now?
I hope that new shorty is working out for you. You know, since you decided that you didn't love me anymore and went on to find someone else. But I'm saying though, you can do better. Actually, you can't. I was the best thing that could've ever happened to you. You should be grateful that a woman like me gave you the time of day and even noticed you. Now you noticeable and can't nobody get a hold of you. Ha. But you caught me at a low point, like you always have. I could've said no. But I needed you.

Maybe karma will get you back. Maybe she won't. I don't hate you. Matter of fact, I still love you. Just not the way I used to. Not the way I wish I could. And maybe that's for the best. You taught me so much about myself that I couldn't have learned from anyone else. So in hindsight, I thank you. For all the pain, tears, and heartache you caused me over 8 years. I needed that believe it or not. I needed that experience. I needed that lesson. But never again even though I still miss you at times. I vow to never let myself get back to that place with you or any man for that matter. When you know better, you do better and in case you're wondering, I'm doing quite alright.

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you. I wish you the best, I guess.

Shit seems so sad when you look back.

S.S.

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