Creating a New Life For Myself

Today's post is a little bit more personal. As you guys know, I took a mini, unscheduled hiatus back in November. I was out of it, uninspired, and had no desire to write. If October was my hell month, November was definitely my recovery month. I started going back and forth with what I wanted to do, where am I going, and if all of this is leading anywhere. Though I was posting, I was still lost. I was still regrouping from all the stupid stuff that came to a head the entire month of October. I was trying to make sense of everything and find my happy.


And I did. Sort of.

It was during my "recovery" month that I realized that I can do whatever it is that I want to do. I know I've probably said that to people plenty of times but it wasn't until recently, I've decided to apply that logic to myself. I don't need anyone's approval. I am allowed to make my own choices and do what makes me happy.

I wanted a change but I didn't know where to begin. So I started digging deeper. Soon after, the dots started connecting. Everything started to make sense. I was beginning to understand the essence of who I am inside and all that I want to do. I had to reassure myself that it is okay to go against the grain. It is okay to do my own thing. It's okay to create my own path. It's okay if I want to start over. But yet, I was still stuck.

I was stuck because I was scared. I crave change but I tend to fear it as well. Once I get used to something, no matter how bad I want something different, I stay where I am at until I am forced not to stay there anymore. Maybe it's because I'm scared to leave my comfort zone. But to be honest, I'm not even sure what my comfort zone or level is. I just know wherever I am at, I end up staying there even though I wish to leave.

So I've decided that I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to remain complacent. I don't want to live life in fear. Maybe I tip toe around change because I don't know what lies on the other side. But I will never know if I don't go to the other side. Of course, I can ask people what it's like but it's better that I find out for myself. And if I don't like what I see, I have the power to change that as well.

The only constant thing in life is change. I'm learning to not only embrace it but take the first step into it. It may not be so bad. I don't want to be that person that complains about wanting something new but does nothing about it. Those are the people I call out. So in hindsight, I'm calling myself out.

My new life, my new career, my new path may be unconventional. It may not even make sense to people. I'm limiting who I share this with because not everyone is going to be on my team or understand what I'm doing. And that's okay. As long as it makes sense to me and brings me happiness, that's all that matters.

Maybe my path isn't meant for everyone to comprehend anyway.

Peace & Light,
Soleil

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