Day 6 - Smothered

Our lives are full of demands.

We are often more occupied with what other people need from us and what we are expected to do, than we are with what we need for ourselves -- to the extent that we feel guilty for taking time and energy for ourselves. 

What people and things are making it hard for you to breathe right now?

As for people, I want to start with my mother. Without dishing too much information and not to publicly bash her, I do feel that she has been making it hard for me to breathe. I know she is at a point in her life in which she needs me and I understand. But I'm also at a point in my life in which I'm ready live life for me. At 24, I don't have it all figured out but I'm at the age in which I need to start. Though my mother encourages me, at the same time she holds me back.

Outside of my mother, I feel that there are people close to me that make it hard for me to breathe. Trying to tell someone your life plans, your dreams, goals, and aspirations only to get shot down is tough. It suffocates me actually because I want to share my dreams with people close to me. But every time I do, I'm met with responses that make me want to rethink my choices. Because of this, I'm almost forced to keep my real dreams to myself.

Lastly, my job makes it hard for me to breathe. I know the resolve would be to find a new job. If only it were that easy. Day in and day out, I'm hitting the pavement trying to find a job that not only pays my bills but also makes me happy. Try applying for a job with no experience yet you need the job to get the experience. Try explaining to people why you spent thousands of dollars on a degree (or two) only to turn around and want to do something else? It's frustrating. Then to have a job where it should be fun but it's really not due to recent events occurring. My job, though it was never meant to be permanent, is not what it used to be.

I want out. I want freedom. Damnit I want to breathe.


Peace & Light,
Soleil

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